We can either continue watching our young men get murdered and wait for the next tragedy or we can commit and take some action.
It is time that we quit accommodating foolishness that masquerades as bravado and machismo and costs our community lives. It is time to transform our culture, our relationship to men and our collective support and fascination with male violence. It is time we take on Thirteen things that will transform our culture of male violence.
1.Listen to and love women. Women can support us all in growing, learning to truly listen and trust one another and provided that they have done a significant amount of healing, school us in the fine art of power sharing.
2. Seek professional help in dealing with any and all childhood trauma. So much of what we carry around and allow to go unresolved is emotional trauma from our youth. While many in our community don’t view therapy as sexy or needed, it is time to change our relationship with mental health by addressing our most pressing emotional needs and begin demanding emotional well being.
3. Delve into a spiritual practice or create one of your own. When is the last time you’ve seen the inside of a church, mosque, temple? Anyplace that puts you in touch with the divine, the part of you that connects with the universe and allows love, vulnerability and a genuine concern for others will do.
4. Develop relationships with young children. Keep in mind that many people have been taught that men being around children and having love for these powerful little spirits is creepy and suspect. As someone who has taught four year olds and high school students and everyone in between, I am aware of people’s misunderstanding around men’s significance when it comes to being in a child’s life. Our young ones need us to guide, protect and nurture them.
5. Redefine your personal worth on your own terms. Are you able to provide others with a gentle spirit? Do folks seek you out when they need clear insight regarding life struggles and personal integrity? Is your community better off because you’re around? Make sure that everyone knows that things will work out splendidly for everyone if you are part of the solution.
6. Give up the belief that your only contribution is a physical one. Invest in brain teasing, synapse changing activities and interaction. Although I never win and suck at scrabble, I am mentally challenged and have never left a game not having learned something. Maybe chess or checkers would be more to your liking. Anything that moves our minds and gets them to stretch and move beyond what is comfortable and familiar is a great thing.
7. Seek out people who are willing to die for our young men if this is what it takes.
8. Stop lying about your feelings, accomplishments, disappointments, height, weight, penis size and sexual prowess. Tell the truth about your fears and how you handle them. Discuss your unrealized dreams and how you created new ones.
9. Develop friendships and relationships with people who are different and navigate the planet differently because of race, sexual orientation, religion or age.
10. Make the elders in your community show up and participate. Elders can provide great listening avenues for young people provided that everyone agrees to listen and not “fix”. If a young person solicits advice, it is up to us to allow our young people to use their own inner resources and offer suggestions once they have either exhausted all resources or are barreling towards physical danger.
11. Understand the political process. Vote. Understand that politicians and those in power have much to gain when people are confused, angry and disorganized. It is a simple process to manipulate and unleash us on us when we are not clear where responsibility lies. Understanding the real deal behind elections, zoning laws and the pipeline to prisons that many of our schools have become will help us understand where true power lies and formulate a plan to redirect it.
12. Understand and know your history. Fannie Lou Hamer, King, Malcolm X, Ella Baker and Bayard Rustin all understood the power of organizing and motivating small pockets of people then moving on to larger ones. They also understood the power of momentum and they all created incredible changes without social media.
13. Follow the lead of the thirteen in Ferguson, Mo. Without an outside force deciding what needed to be done, these brave soldiers convened with the intent of doing something. Unlike many of us older folks, the started before they were ready and without much of a plan besides saving lives, gaining respect and mobilizing their community. Do we really need anymore than that? They are no longer willing to adopt a “wait and see” approach. They are clear that this approach doesn’t provide much change and saves no lives.