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The #1 Reason Men Struggle with Relationships (And What to Do About It)

Men lie.

We live in a culture that encourages lies and shame.

Men are rarely supported in speaking their truth.

We are supported in giving up what makes us vulnerable, real and ultimately human.

Male gender assignments start early thereby limiting and infringing on our ability to become better men and human beings.

Primarily, we learn to lie often and always about our feelings.

Many of us are not taught that having and worse yet sharing our feelings is a big fat no no and should be avoided no matter the consequence. Men not being able to cry no matter the consequences is not just a stereotype or punchline to a bad joke.

I know several men who have witnessed the burial of parents and beloved siblings who refused to give in to the grief that would be a natural and healthy emotional expression.

I know several men who have such an inordinate amount of emotional pain inside of them that I am awestruck by their ability to function on any level.

Men who are not allowed access to a full emotional expression do not make for great companions nor are they able to be great resources for themselves in terms of liberatory and radical self love.

If a person is not allowed to feel they will not allow themselves to fully love another nor allow another to fully love them.

Part of sharing feelings also involves creating tools that will allow us to express the "good"ones as well.

The ability to experience powerful and loving feelings is something we often struggle to incorporate.

In bell hooks' wonderful, We Real Cool, the concept of coolness is addressed and deconstructed as necessary and problematic.

Men,particularly men of color, get introduced to the culture of cool via the men in our lives whose only emotional expression is one of anger and cool.

Coolness was the chosen mode of being and the indicator of all future success.

I was often reminded of my inability to be "cool" and not exhibit an emotional response regardless of the circumstances.

Whether I did a jaunty dance step because I made the honor roll or physically showed my disapproval of an injustice or the cancellation of my favorite show, the message given to me was clear.

You are not cool.

Uncool men will not make it in this society.

At 45, I have style but still lack cool.

I am ok with this.

We often inflate our talents, abilities and personal accomplishments and downplay our lack or inability to "make something or crate a certain result". I have had several failures in my life.

As an American Male, I am coerced into keeping my failures to myself. Male culture does not allow or encourage reflection and honest self and emotional assessment.

We are "supposed" to know what to do and have all the answers all the time.

Dealing with and accepting disappointments is another trap that confuses and seduces us.

bell hooks states that men can be seduced by power because it offers long term and ongoing rewards.

This is another lie that men get pitched that it is easy and simple to partake of the power structure (patriarchy).

Patriarchy's cost is never examined:men lose so much.

Men are not taught that emotional needs are important so when an opportunity (participation in patriarchy) is presented that requires that they give up more of their souls (lying), it doesn't feel odd.

Men who are disappointed sexually are never shown or resist ways that would increase their enjoyment of sex and lead to greater overall emotional satisfaction.

When young boys and then men are told to "man up ", it leaves them angry and confused with no outlet to address their pain.

Male culture is steeped in grief.

Many men can only address grief when they are drunk or high.

Men need tools that allow us to sit in and work through our pain.

It is time to stop lying and pretending that things don't hurt.


How Cialis can solve the HIV crisis

CIALIS doesn't protect a man or his partner from sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, and does not serve as a male form of birth control.

Shame on Cialis and its creator.

Mr. Cialis you are definitely missing out on a true goldmine.

With all of the massive increases in HIV infections and the hyper sexuality of gay men and men who sleep with men, you could be making a killing. Gay men, who have been socialized to meet every possible need in a sexual manner, are prime for anything that ensures constant and incredible screwing is always on the menu.

If you start to seriously advertise in places that cater to men who have an unrelenting and insatiable need for sex, you would be able to retire within six months. By focusing on what we do not who we are and what we think, there is an unlimited amount of money to be made.

Start in sex clubs and cruising spots.

These boys enjoy a good romp and look for anything that can literally keep the party going. In fact, I have some serious insight as to how you can both quadruple your financial bottom line and look most saintly in the eyes of HIV/AIDS activists the world over.

Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, we now have the means to make sure that eighty-year-olds can have a roll in the hay whenever they see fit.

Does it matter that we could solve cancer or HIV ? Clearly a better use of our time is spent making sure we can have sex not worrying about whether or not it could cost us our lives.

Cialis, you could lead the fight in trumping HIV and making it something that is a small footnote in the history of humanity.

It is really quite simple. Offer unlimited amounts of your wonder drug to young men while simultaneously offering free testing for the HIV virus and then create a cure for the virus.

Don't tell me that you have created not one but two types of pills to assist men in dealing with ED and you don't have the manpower or resource to develop a cure for HIV.

Start small.

Develop a pill that you can take either daily or within 36 hours of sexual activity that would kill the virus on contact. Then when you (Mr. Cialis) get beyond filthy rich , make an announcement that says you will now cure anyone who has been infected within the last thirty years.

Don't you see, you will get paid no matter what decisions get made. This is the only way to go. Who better to peddle a drug to (that allows you to "keep that pecker up" ) than a bunch of sex-crazed individuals.

It sounds like a perfect match in my opinion.

We get to have unlimited sexual encounters without any serious consequences like death, isolation, poverty and they ( the brillinat progressive individuals that created Cialis) get to make money off a group of confused and oppressed individuals.

Get in on this Cialis. Maybe your homophobic. Don't let this stop you.

It never stops any one else.


Moving beyond Fetish… The opportunities for growth and joy via black and white gay male relationships

I have spent half of my dating life with white men.

As far as I can see, there is a great deal of confusion and mayhem regarding how these seemingly divergent groups get along, partner up and develop loving, committed non exploitative relationships.

What is this thing we call attraction ? Is it learned ? Can it be redeveloped?


Does Hyper Sexuality Start at Five?

When baby animals don't get touched they die.

If this is the case for lesser developed creatures, why do we think humans can survive without touch?


Should Cruising Be Considered an Unacceptable Risk?

I was 36 the first time I had sex in public.

I had no idea this was an option. I kept hearing Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong in my head, "How long has this been going on". I truly thought people went to the park to read, the restrooms to pee and the malls to shop.


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