At a recent meeting and in couple’s counselling all over the world, the same tired tune is played.
We don’t communicate.
When I recently heard this statement, I gently offered the insight that no we don’t have a communication issue; we have an accountability issue.
So much of what passes for communication in the work place is piss poor, unnerving and designed to get dysfunctional results.
I read a quote in a book by the late great Nathaniel Branden that stated: When it is important for things to go well you do not allow confusion to remain”.
When people say you don’t communicate what that generally means is that you are not communicating what I want to hear.
Communication is ongoing and is never at a standstill.
When we speak of piss poor communication, it is never what we are doing or not doing. Typically, it’s someone else and their inability or refusal to articulate or clearly share their thoughts and feelings.
I have yet to hear anyone state: I truly screwed the pooch.
But there is hope…
Two of my favorite ladies have created ways for communication to be effectve and clarity driven.
Mother Vanzant tells us that miscommunication is eliminated when we practice three things.
1. Tell the Truth– I feel this way. My experience of our interaction is this.
2. Ask for What You Want (and know you may not get it or may have to hear the dreaded ‘N’ word- NO.) An Ask sounds like this- Can we explore this together? Would you like feedback on this? May I offer a suggestion or make a request?
3. Get a Vision for your life and the outcome you’re seeking . What type of life am I creating and how can you and I collaborate in a way that allows for something grander than what either of us can imagine?
Salma Hayek recently shared the secret of her successful and happy marriage.
Arguments and disagreements are not avoided. She and her husband trade accusations and finger pointing for addressing and then attacking the real issue.
I am using this set up in my own relationship and have decided that it might be a better way to handle things.
It is a non traditional way of taking care of business but one I believe will work.
How do you eliminate sucky communication?