“Learn to value what’s right over what’s easy.” Suze Orman
We live in a society of instant messaging and the ability to meet, interact with and co-create with strangers and friends all over the world.
There is little reason to work hard and plan long term.
Everyday I am surrounded by and deal with entitled, spoiled people who have access to absolutely everything at any given hour all of the time.
These same people are miserable, unchallenged and my personal favorite, “bored”.
It always tickles and astounds me that in a world of so much incredible literature, movies, music and history that anyone can find the time or has the gaul to be bored.
There are many people who have the luxury of being bored and expect everyone to entertain them.
People choose misery over being happy for some pretty predictable reasons.
The primary reason people revel in misery is that it is easy and we live in a victim friendly culture.
The people I’ve met who consistently choose misery don’t put much effort into organizing their lives, restructuring their days or seriously looking at and being honest about the impact their choices have had on their immediate environment.
They wallow, blame the government, their third grade teacher, divorced parents (an event that is at least 30 years old) and the ex paramour who said: “I don’t love or respect or like you.”
Those of us committed to misery simply redirect our energies into finding a suitable companion who also loves misery and then commence the pity party in an effort to prove themselves right.
It is very easy to be miserable.
It doesn’t require a whole lot of energy, focus, planning or foresight.
In the early 90’s, everyone claimed that they were depressed.
It was very chic to go on and on about your problems, what pills you were planning on taking and then to immediately begin medicating young children.
I have lived through some devastating life changes(major breakups, cross country moves, career flops) that have sent me spinning into the very seductive and always welcoming circle of depression.
I have allowed myself a reasonable amount of time to mourn the old and familiar while being afraid of the new and untested.
While there were new things to figure out, blaming anybody but myself would have been dumb and pointless.
I learned to not require others to make me happy.
Abraham Lincoln stated that: we are only as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I’d like to add or as miserable.
Being happy takes courage and work.
Being happy is scary.
When we decide that we will be happy, there is usually something that we need to do or give up.
There is no guarantee that if you do x,y and z that things will fall into place.
There is also no guarantee that if you pursue one avenue relentlessly and achieve a goal you will be in bliss.
Many times I have pursued something with an obsessive tone that bordered on mania only to find out that either I wasn’t satisfied or another level of dissatisfaction arose when I discovered that there was a host of other things that came along with it.
When I felt living in Detroit was strangling me, I longed for the bright lights, the artistic mecca/siren call that was NYC. I longed for it thinking if I could just get there every dream would be fulfilled and every wish granted.
I moved to NYC believing that I would be happy and never feel down, confused or miserable.
Two days into my thirteen year sojourn, reality came a calling: Overpriced rent, scrounging for food, fighting off lecherous old men, attempting to build a career and not getting ripped off in the process.
I figured out that happiness like misery is created for very specific reasons.
I also discovered that I would have to orchestrate my life and happiness and no one was coming to do it for me.
Living in NYC taught me many valuable life lessons.
For one thing : Nobody’s coming.
Wanting something different and doing something different often create incredible internal conflict.
People often get the two things confused and then act on their confusion in predictable and stupid ways which only exacerbates the problem leaving them stuck and miserable.
People often don’t realize the impact making certain choices have on their lives.
All choices lead to one or the other : misery or happiness. All choices can be reversed once we realize that we have created results that we do not like.
We willingly choose again.
We must not fear the unfamiliarity that comes with making a fresh choice based in the desire for happiness.
It is our birthright and a helluva lot more fun than being miserable.