Ask the Old Guy Presents: The Process of Making Good Friends

By | November 19, 2018

Often times, we find ourselves in the most ridiculous positions.

We get very confused and many times overstep boundaries and cause grief, heartache and confusion.

How many friendships could have been spectacular but got derailed because we either don’t keep it in our pants or can’t help acting out if it stays in our pants?

Even if there is no sex or fooling around, the ways in which we choose to interact can still be highly steeped in the “possibility” of a fuck or relationship.

Is it odd to have friends we would fuck if given the chance?

Is it possible to interact with the goal of only developing a fine relationship?

Many times we have no idea how to interact nor how to create relationships that go beyond the physical and into the realm of greatness.

It is possible to have friendships that don’t start nor are built on the possibility that something might happen.

Nothing is more embarrassing and sobering than finding out that what you thought was a fun, new exciting relationship is simply someone waiting to “pounce”.

I’ve had this experience more than once and each time there was not a way to salvage the union. It was almost as if there was no way to interact nor any reason to once it was discovered that there would be no dating or sex.

This is hurtful and troubling on many levels. It has the propensity to make one feel cheap and used.

What if we could be honest about what we really wanted or decided that we would get to know a person before allowing feelings and desires to develop.

We are culturally schooled that feelings run the show and that we should all welcome the chance to be “swept away” with emotions and of course its close relative, lust.

While this is fascinating in books and movies, it can provide much havoc in our personal lives simply because of the fantasy element.

It has taken me damn near two decades to realize that every attraction and interest between myself and other gay men is not a reason to indulge sexually or even emotionally.

With this knowledge, I know that I can be around young men as a mentor without fear of being perceived as a lech. I can also hold serious conversations with people who can use my intellect and hard earned experience and knowledge.

When have you had the experience of being around a man and not given into the culture’s belief that is time to score?

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