About twenty years ago, I took a huge risk, grew a set of larger-than-normal nuts and decided that I would write and perform characters.
Each character in my opinion was bright, witty, interesting and had something to say. Each character was also a personality that would have never been given the opportunity to share their story if it hadn’t been for me creating them.
What the powers that be tried to convince me of was the “fact” that although the concept was interesting and entertaining I was basically wasting my time because no one would cast me as someone ninety. The big joke: I wasn’t looking to be cast as a ninety year old, I was looking to tell the story of a ninety year old.
It is always amusing to hear the opinions of the powers that be who know nothing and fear everything.
While trying to put you in a box that spells “success” for them and then naturally allows them to say that they discovered you, they often overlook our (artists committed to struggle and personal development) reasons for doing what it is that we are doing.
Our desire to push boundaries to challenge and change has very little to do with whether or not “they” see me a certain way or if “they” won’t hire me.
My mantra during my performing days was simple: learn to write, perform improv and do stand up comedy and you will always work.
For some reason, this all flooded back to me on Friday on my way home. I recalled the boldness and richness of calling my own shots and not waiting for someone to say: yea that’s a great idea.
Instead of waiting for “permission” to experiment and reach for greatness, I moved on what I thought was best.
Many times I’ve been forced to rely on my gut and not what I could see or the current reality.
What if I could redirect that same energy?
People are now telling me that all of my prospective ships have sailed.
That all of my “unfulfilled” opportunities are nothing more than dreams deferred.
I am being told to seek employment that doesn’t fulfill or uplift me and wait for the slow deliberate suicide that is retirement and old age.
To that concept I say: Fuck that noise!
What if the rest of my days are the best of my days?
My best years are ahead of me for so many dizzying and obvious reasons that it boggles the mind.
For one, I no longer have to spend time seducing men like some second rate Carmen Jones.
This also means the days of fucking up my life and relishing the welcome distractions and pivotal time wasting that was amateur detective work are also behind me.
There is no wasted tine spent reading men’s signs and interpreting their every move with my team of experts.
I no longer have the need to romanticize a life of poverty while trying to save the world when I’ve yet figured out how to save myself.
I know focus my energy on taking a serious look at finances and the time, money and energy needed to make my life and the lives of those around me work.