One of the ways we misuse our coins is by buying shit that we don’t need from people who don’t give a shit about us.
I’ve always found it fascinating that we(any oppressed group) spend such an inordinate amount of time attempting to impress the oppressors.
We used to call it performing in an effort to gain approval of the big white daddy.
bell hooks wrote a great essay years ago on the topic entitled: Doing it for Daddy.
Part of our psychosis around the obsession with pleasing is the belief that we won’t be hurt and may get some love/approval out if we behave.
This sets us up for failure and upset because it is never enough.
When you are stuck in the mire that is constant approval seeking you end up with a whole lot of wasted time and energy.
Perhaps you are still trying to prove something or in some cases trying to disprove something.
Either way you are not making an informed deliberate choice; you are conducting a response to things that occurred several years ago.
Three years ago I bought my first home.
While I needed a home, there are so many things that are attached to home ownership that no one mentions during the shopping and paper signage. Exploding toilets, annoying tenants who never sleep and constant upkeep were things I knew nothing about.
After three years of this, I have to ask myself some serious questions. Do I need this much house? What for? Who for?
And the big one: what do I need in my life?
As far as my house situation, there is no way that I will continue to just enjoy the fruits of my labor and couple it with I showed them(family members). This won’t take me very far and in fact will put me in the same situation that most of the folks I know are in.
So many queens earn and spend frivolously with no real expectation of future needs and the big “what ifs” of life. I know that when you feel less than, you will make all sorts of decisions designed to make you feel important.
You will spend money and never worry about the future.
You will also make sure that no one will ever treat you like shit ever again.
It would be wiser to make choices from a standpoint of “being enough”.
When I was a young queen bent on being fabulous and seen, it was imperative that I lived and shopped constantly.
You know things are ugly when you know the salespeople on a first name basis and when new items are marked down and moved to the clearance section. On Tuesdays, we (the gaggle of queens I hung with ) would spend freely with no thought of the future or the reality that we would not always be young.
While none of us ever planned or saved for the future, we all cackled and clinked glasses to toast the steals we had acquired and all the cd’s, shoes, hair cuts and outfits we had manged to rip from the hands of overpriced merchants and ridiculous straights who were unaware of our retail tomfoolery.
Even those in my cligue who were ten years my senior had no more of a handle on their finances than I did. There was never any talk of future dilemmas or drama and not one discussions about the aging process and the need to prepare for it (the inevitable).
What would have happened had we stopped twirling, being catty and instead made personal finance about something other than “fierceness”?
I dare say the girls would not have been interested in that review and would have quickly changed the topic.