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18Jul/110

Can Gay Men be Friends Part 2

I have had bad experiences trying to make fuck buddies into legitimate friends.

Having witnessed several friends attempt and fail repeatedly at this endeavor, I am assuming either it doesn’t work or either my friends and I are a bunch of dopes.

Gay men learn early on how to sexualize absolutely everything.

When we are young and beautiful and unsullied, everyone will be more than willing to sexually instruct the “newbie”. Where is all eagerness when it comes time to mentor , teach, support, guide and encourage without the promise of a shared sexual experience.

I recently sat on a panel with some very striking and experienced young gay men.

Both of these men were in their 20's with similar experiences of interacting with older men. Apparently, once sexual interaction was taken out of the equation for whatever the reason , the older men had little to no interest in pursuing any type of relationship.

In other words, we’re not gonna fuck so I am gonna move on.

I remember being put in that position and not knowing how to handle it. Based on what I heard at this panel and what I've witnessed first hand, we (older gays) don’t know how to interact with one another either. Hence, not much has changed since the days when I was a contender.

We must learn to socialize.

We must learn how to differentiate between a potential sex partner, date, trick and some one we can truly call a friend. We must learn not to angrily discard a relationship because dating and or sex are not on the menu. This type of learning and negotiating can only occur if we are emotionally honest with another human being.

Trust me nobody is fooled when you only call post midnight.

Nobody is hoodwinked when you are showering them with gifts a few days into knowing them. While this is simple, “it is not easy”(as my baby would say). If you tell people : I really like you and look forward to getting to know you better; you are often met with shear terror and the assumption that you are one needy SOB.

I say risk it and be ok with the outcome.

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