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15May/170

Warning: Black, Gorgeous, Brilliant Gay Man is Influencing Young Children

My very young and impressionable grandchildren cornered me one day regarding my pending nuptials.

Are you the girl? Who will wear the dress?

After the inquisition was masterfully handled, they each shrugged, looked at each other then sped off on a skateboard and bike respectively.

I have influenced hundreds of young people and it always amazes me when they are given the opportunity to ingest homophobia or racism and decide that they would rather not.

When it comes down to loving the person who has shown patience, consideration and consistency or dismissing the same person because of a "perceived difference", young folks will invariably go with the more loving approach.

Homophobia is taught by adults and is based on the images they consume.

As a result, homophobia goes unchecked and unchallenged.

My new family embraces me for the unique and powerful gifts I bring (teaching, an inordinate amount of patience and much attention to each child's personal needs).

My family of origin would like to feign shock that I am still gay and horrors of horrors am marrying another man.

My young charges are not aware (are clueless) about the reality that there are institutions (made up of scary people) that would like me dead.

Whether it is slow and methodical (drugs, alchohol, sex, low self esteem, toxic shame) or quick and effective (bashings, homicide), the goal remains the same: destroy the fag.

While I would like to prevent them from ever witnessing these atrocious side of humanity, it is important that when they are faced with it they refuse to be silent.

Wouldn't it be wonderful for all of them to stand up one day and say: I was co-raised by a black gay men who is loving and kind.

I was recruited by a Black Gay to be powerful, fearless and demand that the world and my country live up to its promise and move beyond domination and scapegoating?

With all of the media images (which make money from our suffering) attacking our psyches, it makes it difficult to live a trauma free life.

Media influence is real and not to be dismissed or overlooked by those of us who know better.

My younguns while questioning my marriage and this level of commitment only questioned it to gain clarity.

They assumed we (my husband and I) were already married.

This was when it became clear to me that all of the bullshit we take on as "reality"/just the way things are is a learned, systematic process that can be just as systematically done away with.

When a four year old asks you : When is your ceremony?

You can do nothing but smile and feel hopeful.

I would like the dumb bigots that consciously confuse pedophilia with homosexuality to visit my grandchildren so that they can learn.

Wouldn't it be incredible to have my four year old school conservative "family values" folk in how to stop being an idiot?

This would make a great you tube clip.

16Apr/170

Why Male Teachers are Good for Children

Whenever I have taught children, there has been an obsession with safety.

This was a statement I made four years ago when I wrote an essay about people and their insane, irrational fear of being around children.

Men need children. Children need men.

While all men shouldn't or have no desire to be around children, it is wise to look at the reasons why and be honest in our assessment regarding men's interaction with children.

What must change (in relation to men's influence with children) if we are attempting to create a saner, more loving and thinking world?

For several years, I heard from friends and family that I would make a wonderful father and teacher.

Having switched my major in college to English with an eye on instructing eager, hungry minds, I began making preparations to move into the world of erudite instruction that would serve the young people that I would be fortunate enough to teach.

During the early 90's, homophobia was in full swing and nowhere was it more pronounced and encouraged than in education with almost a witch hunt focus on gays and lesbians.

With dreams of changing the world (which I believe is one of the many purposes of education), I was left sitting on my hands.

I could either jump in with the sharks wearing blood soaked swim trunks and hope for the best or I could save myself a buttload of misery and stay out of the water.

I stayed away from young people and teaching for as long as I could.

I watched in shear horror as my partner dealt with very vocal homophobic students, coworkers and faculty.

I watched with incredulity as people dismissed the powerful offerings of teachers and adults. My heart broke when people chose fear and ignorance over the possibility of change that a male presence could offer.

There was no blueprint for being talented in a given area and knowing that you would not be accepted in this arena or worse yet be run out of it and soon as there was any whiff of being "different".

While homophobia was partly to blame, there was also the belief that men around children was a bad idea simply because of our gender.

Men and their (perceived) devious, predatory ways was the real issue.

Many educational colleagues love to rail on about pedophilia which is not the same as homosexuality.

I have yet to hear an accurate or fact-based account of any teacher ever experiencing this dramatic scene(confrontation with and defeat of pure stupidity) at work with a colleague.

So where does all of this irrational fear and straight up stupidity come from and how do we challenge and defeat it?

We start by recognizing men's goodness.

When good men have skills that are necessary for the maturation and psychological well being of young people, we can work together (with allies that love, respect and admire men) to assign men roles with children that highlight skills our young people need.

We are no longer in need of men who are assigned the role of silent, emotionless ATMs whose response to anything emotional or deep consists of pointing out the failings of those asking questions and or then referring them to women who "know more about those things".

It is not ok to assume that beyond donating sperm and financial assistance men are useless and have little value.

Children are not better off without men.

Men and those that love them must offer assistance in reestablishing male input and the particular ways men approach the world and navigate their existence in it.

We all have much to learn from how the world is seen by men.

Anyone who has met a powerful man whose power stems from his commitment to mental health, self evaluation and improving children's lives recognizes and understands the goodness of men.

Men are psychologically harmed when they are assigned social roles that only benefit patriarchal.

Men are harmed when we get assigned the role of non-thinking monsters.

While I have never subscribed to the ridiculous notion that only men can raise boys, I understand that male energy is different, needed and should be invited in on a consistent and well thought out basis.

So the next time you are considering a baby sitter or someone to care for your young ones, consider a male colleague or family friend to take up the challenging, eye opening and heart expanding task that is influencing and loving children well.

Start small and build.

There is much to be learned and nothing to lose.

2May/110

Smart Slut 3… The decision to be victorious

My new favorite past time is falling in love with men’s potential.

Instead of taking an honest look at what a person presents as their true self, I like the big game of pretend. Basically, I wasn’t very bright and instead of examining my choices regarding my health and well being , I decided to jump into another ill-fated romance.

28Apr/112

Smart Slut 2… Love will not keep you HIV free

Most of the HIV positive people I know became infected in the course of a relationship.

After talking with a good friend from overseas, I was informed of this incredible theory. My brilliant ally and I discussed at length the risks people are willing to take and for what reason.

11Apr/115

Black Father Love: A New Type of Celebrity

In a world that gives so much credence and attention to Brangelina, Sandra Bullock, and every celebrity that takes in a baby of color, where is all the glory and paparazzi for black dads who are raising their children? 

31Mar/110

Why Black Fear Matters

I write this essay as a direct response to all of the drama surrounding the belief, statistically factually proven or not, that the black folks in our great state of California overwhelmingly voted for Prop 8.

10Dec/101

Bullying: Don’t Ask, Do Tell

"Didn't need no welfare states, everybody pulled his weight, you knew who you were then, gurls were gurls and men were men. Those were the days".

In the brilliant and way-ahead-of-its-time show, All in the Family, a bigot, is forced to deal with a world that is constantly changing.

   
 

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