What Happens When You No Longer Play Small in the World

By | March 10, 2020

About twenty years ago, I grew a set of larger-than-normal nuts and decided to write and perform characters.

Each character was bright, witty,  and interesting with something to say. Each character was also a personality that would have been denied the opportunity to share their story -to live and speak. The powers that be tried to convince me that  I was wasting my time because no one would cast me as someone ninety.

The big joke?

I wasn’t looking to be cast as a ninety- year- old; I was looking to tell the story of a ninety- year -old. 

It’s amusing to hear the opinions of people who know nothing and fear everything.

More established individuals attempt to force you into  a box that spells “success” to them which  allows them  to say they “discovered” you.

This same group often  overlooks  artists committed to personal development and the reasons we do what we do.

Our desire to push boundaries to challenge and change has very little to do with whether or not “they”  (more established artists and gatekeepers) see me a certain way or if “they” won’t hire me.

My mantra during this time was simple: learn to write, perform improv and do stand up comedy and I will always work. 

This all flooded back to me on Friday on my way home from work.

I recalled the boldness and richness of calling my own shots and not waiting for someone to say: yea that’s a great idea. I moved on what I thought was best- relying on my gut and not my current reality.

What if I could redirect that same energy?

What if the rest of my days are the best of my days?

Lately, people  tell me that all of my prospective ships have sailed.

That all of my lost opportunities are nothing more than dreams deferred.

I’m  told to just stay in the 9-5 drudgery and wait for the slow deliberate suicide that is retirement and old age.

To that concept I say: Bugger Off!

My best years are ahead of me.

I no longer have to spend time seducing men like some second rate Carmen Jones.

This also means the days of fucking up my life and relishing the welcome distractions of amateur sleuthing  and man trapping are over.

There is no wasted time  reading men’s signs and interpreting their every move with my team of experts.

There is a serious look at finances and the time, money and energy needed to make my life and the lives of those around me work.

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