Men Refusing Domination

By | July 19, 2018

Everyday all around me and in multiple formats, the world reminds me that I’m flawed and not a “real man”.

Men who Resist Domination are often seen as weak, pussies, someone to trifle with.

We are often seen as less of a threat to the world.

For not upholding toxic and typical masculinity, we pay the price with disrespect and multiple requests to be an asshole.

As men, we are often seduced into showing the ubiquitous “it” that we are in control of not only ourselves but several real and imagined minions.

I have had family members and loved ones look at me as if I’ve grown a second head when instead of dominating, I’ve chosen connection and collaboration.

Most of the men I know see nothing wrong with dominating children and men deemed lesser by society.

As a child, I vividly recall being taunted and shamed for not being athletic.

In particular for not playing football.

A sport I did and do find ridiculous.

When gentle, kind boys are raised in patriarchal infused families they are often depressed, lonely and have the propensity to act out later in life.

Those of us who have no interest in domination are often at the mercy of those who see no other way to interact.

It starts young and in our family origin.

When I first saw the Wizard of Oz as a young child I wept for the confused little girl and the possibility of her never returning home.

While my family teased me and constantly brought up that in being moved (emotionally vulnerable and expressive) there was something wrong with me (I was breaking the boy code even before I knew what is was), no one had the decency or wherewithal to address the connection that maybe I felt I would never get “home”.

This continues to haunt me at 50.

So much of my existence as a sensitive, brilliant, unwilling to dominate black male has been about trying to find/build/maintain a home.

Even in high school, I found myself shuffled between my divorced parents home and my loving grandmothers home never feeling safe to call any one spot my home or as they say true north.

Men who refuse to dominate often attract folks who can do nothing but dominate.

I often ask people: why there is the need to make sure every one becomes their minion and naturally does their bidding?

No one can answer this intelligently.

I can answer why I hate domination and refuse to participate.

Nobody wins and somebody always feels crushed.

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