Why Black and White Relationships should matter to everyone

By | July 10, 2011

I’m a basic mutt Euro-American male.

I was adopted and raised from infancy in a very loving, inter-cultural family (a European/African-American household in 1970’s surburban Los Angeles). As such, loving, supportive and long-lasting interracial relationships are all I have ever really known and seen exemplified in my life.

I have always remained pretty much quiet or generally passive on this very sensitive issue. Fear of carelessly verbalizing my anger or harsh opinions and causing pain to someone forced me into silence.

I have admittedly chosen to surround myself with mostly similar, like-minded and loving beautiful people of all colors.

Whether surrounding myself with such like-minded people was done either consciously or unconsciously really isn’t important. I have always found comfort within the warm inclusion of my own people , be it “Zebras” or Swirl Girls or whatever unflattering slangs the cold and equally indifferent outside gay or straight world decides to label me/us.

Within my own national gay, multi-cultural support organization, I find the needed support, unconditional love and understanding that I do not find in the larger gay community as a whole.

I often need to seek quiet refuge with those like me. When an oppressive environment of indifference, hate, unacceptance, social or political injustice or ridicule targets my partner and I, we cling to our supportive allies and one another. As an adult, I refuse to give attention to petty ignorance.

But if I were younger, I would probably accuse myself of cowardice by not confronting such clear demonstrations of ignorance head on.

Would I be who I am today had I been brought up in a same race or same culture household ?

I have no idea why I’m not attracted to those who so closely resemble me. I don’t know why this is any more than I know why my eyes are blue or why I like seafood. I don’t know if it’s genetic, environmental, psychological or just learned.

I’m just not designed to be attracted to my own mirror image for whatever reason.

I am not ashamed of this and have no problem letting you know this, as politely and as sensitively as I can of course.

But as a wise man once said, “Please don’t ever mistake my kindness for weakness.”

Kirk Gile

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