Money management is the root of most relationship battles and is a skill that we can all learn.
People share personal details of their sex lives and all manner of addictions, drug use, and personal matters.
People get squeamish about financial chats.
I bring this up to let you know, I get you. I get why it’s so hard for you to understand and control money.
Money is something that touches every aspect of our lives. Money means different things to different people.
I recently heard a coworker and one of the young people I work with share their money philosophy. Each stated that money was unimportant. When I pointed out that neither of them was working for free or volunteering their talent and time to our organization, the conversation ended.
Money conversations are full of surprises and undiscussed beliefs and values.
Many of the men I’ve partnered with viewed finances as security and anointed them with the power to right childhood issues (poverty and its most effective tool: humiliation)For me, it was about enjoying what life has to offer.
As a young person, I believed the Christian bullshit- money is the root of all evil.
Twenty years ago, I argued with my stepmother saying that I only needed to make $30k as a Social Worker.
I never went into Social Work and shot passed the 30k mark some years back.
Stumbling out of my foolish money stupor, I discovered money was not bad nor was it inappropriate to have more than you need. I discovered that life is full of joy and ongoing challenges (money issues that pop up at inconvenient times).
After patching together my beloved black convertible, Penelope, for the umpteenth time, I bought a practical and reliable car. The next day both toilets backed up resulting in a $2,500 payout.
No amount of prayer and belief in money’s wickedness would have taken care of that situation.
Being able to write a check and eliminate an unpleasant situation taught me a few valuable lessons. But before I could bask in my new lessons, I took a moment to gloat and congratulate myself for a job well done.
My first lesson-stay prepared by constantly putting aside money every week no matter what. My second lesson- thank god for the foresight to commit to the first lesson.
Money represents very different things to different people. And I’m willing to be that if you are married, seriously involved or shacked up, you and your betrothed have opposite views of money and what it can or can’t do.
Skillfully handling finances ensures options and allows good people to do more good in the world. These are the only reasons to pursue large sums of money.
Many people long to be rich even as they proclaim distrust of the wealthy.
Black folks love to holler about how unimportant money is until it’s Christmas, high school graduation or god forbid, a prom.
Once these major events are on the table, people will put themselves into serious debt to make sure their pumpkins look good in photos.
Having dated both black and white men, I can say our money habits are different based on class and not race.
Every black person I dated believed in working hard and spending harder.
During my 20’s, my black partners spent money as soon as it hit their hands- there was always some pressing do or die need- haircuts, cd’s, Chinese food for lunch.
When I began dating white guys, I saw a very different money strategy. Once things were paid and monies put aside (paying themselves first) they “chose” to spend the overflow-what was left.
But here’s the most important part…
You can figure out and then master the money beast. Start small and focus on where you are and where you want to end up. Stop asking broke people for their opinions and insights.
Remember you were born knowing how to do only few things. Everything else you learned and mastered.
Why should money be any different?